Touching and Grabbing
IN THIS LESSON
Understanding the Urge to Touch
If you’ve ever had to gently peel your child off a stranger’s leg or rescue a family cat from an overenthusiastic hug, you know the challenge of unwanted touching and grabbing. My son, for instance, loved to grab interesting objects in stores – and occasionally people’s sleeves – simply because he was curious and seeking touch.
It wasn’t to misbehave; he just didn’t understand boundaries. Neurodivergent individuals may touch or grab things impulsively or seek physical contact in ways that look inappropriate. This can be awkward (or even unsafe), but with empathy and practical strategies, we can teach respectful hands while still honoring our kids’ need for tactile input and connection.
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Why Does This Behavior Occur?
Several factors can drive touching or grabbing behaviors in neurodivergent individuals. Sensory seeking is a big one: many autistic or ADHD kids have sensory processing differences that make certain touches irresistibly stimulating or soothing.
They might touch fabrics, people’s hair, or objects to feel different textures or deep pressure. It’s their way of understanding the world through touch. On the flip side, some may not sense boundaries – they aren’t always aware of where their body ends and another’s begins, or they may misinterpret social cues that someone is uncomfortable.
💡Autistic children in particular often have difficulty recognizing social norms around personal space and touch.
What looks like “inappropriate” grabbing might actually be an attempt to connect or communicate when words fail. For instance, a child who grabs your hand might be seeking attention or saying “come with me” because they struggle to express it verbally.
Impulsivity also plays a role. An ADHD child might see a toy or cookie and grab it before their brain applies the brakes – it’s not defiance, it’s impulse control lag.
Lastly, anxiety or excitement can manifest in touch: a nervous child might cling or grab for security, or an over-excited one might literally bounce off people. Understanding that these behaviors usually aren’t malicious helps us respond with teaching instead of just punishment.
Immediate Response Strategies
When your child is in the act of grabbing or touching inappropriately, safety and gentle firmness are the priorities. If they’re grabbing something dangerous or about to knock over grandma’s vase, calmly intervene by blocking or holding their hand – without yelling if possible (your composed reaction helps them regain control).
💬Use a short, clear phrase: “Hands to yourself, please.” Many parents find it helpful to have a consistent mantra like “Gentle hands” or “Ask first before touching.” In the moment, physically redirect their touch to an appropriate alternative.
For example, if your child reaches to pinch someone, you can intercept and instead sandwich their hand between yours and say, “Let’s squeeze this stress ball instead,” handing them a fidget or stress toy (always good to keep one handy!). This replaces the action with something that meets the sensory need more appropriately.
If your child is touching another person (like poking or hugging someone who’s uncomfortable), step in with a friendly smile and separate them gently.
💬 You might say to the other person, “We’re learning about personal space, thank you for understanding,” and then quietly remind your child: “Remember, we keep our hands to ourselves unless we ask.”
Keep your tone neutral and instructive, not angry. Consistency is key – each time the grabbing happens, give the same calm response so the child starts associating that behavior with the predictable outcome of being stopped and reminded.
For certain behaviors like pinching or hitting, it can help to immediately show the natural consequence without scolding: e.g., “Ouch, that hurts. I can’t let you do that.” Then move on.
💬 The immediate moment is also a chance to practice a quick replacement skill: “If you need someone’s attention, tap my shoulder instead of grabbing.”
You might physically guide their hand to do the alternate action. Over time these quick interventions accumulate to form new habits.