Blurting Out & Inappropriate Language
IN THIS LESSON
Teaching Kids When (and When Not) to Say It Out Loud
Have you ever cringed when your child suddenly blurted out a blunt comment or a swear word at the worst possible time? You’re not alone. Many neurodivergent kids (and adults) speak their minds with disarming honesty or impulsivity.
As a parent, I’ve been there – heart racing, offering an apologetic smile to onlookers. The good news is that blurting out or using inappropriate language is a common challenge we can navigate together.
With understanding and a few supportive strategies, we can help our loved ones learn when and how to share their colorful thoughts more appropriately.
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Why Does This Behavior Occur?
Blurting or unfiltered speech often stems from impulsivity and difficulties with self-censorship. For individuals with ADHD, for example, the brain’s impulse-control mechanisms might be less inhibited – thoughts can pop out before the person even realizes it.
💡Scientists note that lower dopamine levels in ADHD brains lead to acting or talking before thinking. In autistic individuals, there may be a struggle with social filters and understanding context, so they might say exactly what they think or repeat learned phrases without gauging appropriateness.
Sometimes overwhelming emotions like anxiety or excitement can trigger blurting in both ADHD and autistic people us.specialisterne.com.
Importantly, this isn’t willful rudeness – it’s often a neurological and communication difference. Our kids may not realize a phrase is offensive or that they’re interrupting, or they might know but can’t stop the impulse in time. Recognizing this helps us respond with patience and empathy rather than punishment.
Immediate Response Strategies
In the heat of the moment when an inappropriate comment or swear word flies out, stay calm and composed. Our first reaction can set the tone. If we appear angry or embarrassed, the child might either feel shamed or get a big reaction (which could inadvertently reinforce the behavior). Instead, try a brief, neutral correction and redirection.
💡For example, if your child shouts a rude comment, you might quietly say, “That language could hurt someone’s feelings. Let’s choose kinder words,” and then model an alternative.
Keeping a matter-of-fact tone is key; lengthy scolding often doesn’t help (kids with ADHD, for instance, may know it’s wrong but impulsivity “overrides” self-control). If the comment offended someone, prompt a quick apology or clarify on your child’s behalf, e.g., “I’m sorry, he doesn’t always realize how that sounds.” Then swiftly move on.
In cases of swearing, sometimes “planned ignoring” of minor slip-ups is useful – reacting too strongly can make the words more enticing. Save firm responses for truly harmful language (like insults directed at someone).
An immediate strategy some parents use is a secret signal to cue the child to pause. For example, touching your lips or a gentle tap on their shoulder can remind them to think before speaking, without calling them out publicly.
In classrooms, teachers have used subtle hand signals to good effect. The moment an inappropriate word comes out, you can also prompt a “redo”: have the child say the sentence again in a polite way. This immediate do-over, done supportively, reinforces the idea that what they were trying to express is okay – it was just how they said it.