Blurting Out & Inappropriate Language
Key Strategies to Remember
Empathy First
Remember that your child isn’t trying to be “bad” on purpose. Approach the situation as a coach, not an adversary. Remind them that words affect others’ feelings.
Teach, Don’t Just Punish
Simply saying “Don’t say that!” isn’t enough (and often doesn’t sink in). Replace “don’t” with what to do instead – provide the words or actions you want to see.
Consistent Cues
Use a consistent signal or phrase to cue your child to stop and think. Over time, this external cue helps them build an internal filter.
Praise Progress
Catch them being good. When they manage a polite comment or hold back an impulse, reward and praise immediately. Positive reinforcement builds the desired behavior faster than negative attention for the undesired behavior.
Be Patient and Persistent
It takes time for neurodivergent kids to develop self-control – often years longer than neurotypical peers. Don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Consistent gentle reminders and practice will pay off.
Helpful Tips
👮♀️Model Self-Restraint:
Our kids are watching us. If we ourselves occasionally blurt out curses when angry, they will imitate. Modeling calm language under stress and even apologizing when we slip up (“Oops, I shouldn’t have said that, sorry”) sets a powerful example.
🌈 Use Positive Language:
Phrase reminders in the positive. Instead of “Don’t say ____,” try “Speak with kind words” or “Use gentle language.” Neurodivergent kids respond well to clear, positive instructions.
💪 “Pick Your Battles”:
Not every spicy word deserves a huge reaction. If your child mutters a mild swear out of frustration but isn’t hurting anyone, you might choose to calmly redirect and focus on bigger issues (like no name-calling). This avoids power struggles over harmless utterances.
🎮 Turn it Into a Game:
For younger kids especially, make practicing filters fun. Play “blurt alert” – you take turns saying a silly sentence and the other person has to quickly decide if it’s appropriate or not and hit a buzzer if it’s a “blurt.” This builds awareness in a low-stakes way.
🩵 Ensure They Feel Heard:
Sometimes kids keep blurting because they feel nobody is listening. Dedicate a few minutes frequently to just listen to your child chatter about their interests. Meeting that need can reduce attention-seeking outbursts.
External Resources
ADDitude Magazine – Strategies for Blurt Out Bursts: “The Cure for Blurting Out Whatever’s on Their Minds” offers an ADHD parent’s perspective with tips on empathy, consequences, and role-playing better responses.
Joon (ADHD Parenting) – Cursing and ADHD: “How to Stop Your Child with ADHD from Constantly Swearing” breaks down why impulsive swearing happens and suggests tips like consistent rules and offering alternative words.
Autism Spectrum News – Inappropriate Comments: “Inappropriate Behaviors in Adult Autistics: We Mean No Harm” – although about adults, it sheds light on why autistic individuals might say things that seem rude, and how understanding neurology leads to compassionate support.
Social Stories for Talking Nicely: Carol Gray’s social stories are great tools. The Autism Parenting Magazine’s guide on social stories or free resources like And Next Comes L’s Free Social Stories About Personal Space (useful for blurting and personal space) can help create your own story tailored to your child.